CRITIQUING MY VERY FIRST ADS: AXE SPRAY

I found an old notebook from when I was 16 that includes some of the very first ads I ever came up with. Rather than burning the notebook so nobody finds out how bad they are, I'm making a series of posts where I set them free. Then, tear them to shreds with my words.

CONCEPT

Remember how I had some hope for you in the last concept? Yeah, nevermind. Not only are you continuing a running joke that was DOA, you're not adding anything to it. The guys working at the grocery store scenario is kinda interesting. What could you do with it that doesn't suck?

ART

I like how you wrote a spot for the body spray and printed out a google image for the shampoo. Nice attention to detail. Also, I don't think the client will want the product (which should be the star) thrown to the ground violently.

COPY

One line of non-dialogue and a terrible wrap-up line doesn't count as copy. Go back and try again. At least make the wrap-up line clever. That is, once you rethink this whole fricken concept. 

Laugh at my other old ad attempts: Post-itStarbucks, Las Vegas CVA